She Says… On Becoming a Big Brother

To the one who first made me a mother,

Your life is about to change. Any day now. Dramatically. We’ve been preparing you for this day as much as possible, talking about babies and how fun it is to be a big brother and how you’re going to teach our baby all kinds of things. And you are all smiles and dimples and twinkling eyes; you always say just the right things (“I’m gonna LOVE my baby brother. I’m gonna teach him how to eat and swing on the swings. I want him to sit next to me in the car. I’m gonna kiss his feet and hold him.”). You’ve been asking me for weeks when he will come out so you can play with him.

But really? Really I know you have NO idea how this is going to rock your world.

Frankly, none of us do. And as thrilled as I am for this next big adventure and for this tiny baby to become part of our family, I am also sad. I’m sad that it won’t just be you and me anymore. That I won’t be able to wake up in the morning and climb into bed with you and chatter away without also thinking of someone else who needs my attention. I’m sad that the afternoons where I can wake you up from your nap and say, “What do you want to do this afternoon, buddy?” may be few and far between. I’m sad that there will inevitably be times when you need me and I just can’t be there because there is another little person who needs me too.

For almost 3 whole years it’s been you and me. Daddy too, of course. The three of us have so much fun together. But there’s something special between you and I that started the second you were placed into my arms. The moment that I realized I was a mother and it was all thanks to you. It was built through those long nights of nursing and rocking and tears (for both of us) and strengthened as I learned the patterns of your breathing and the signs of when you were sick and what foods you liked and didn’t like. As you’ve gotten older I hear my own voice in yours, and I see myself in your tiny face. I know what you mean even when your words fail you and I know how to make it all better when things fall apart.

You’re my little buddy. My sidekick. My partner in crime.

I know that doesn’t have to change. You will always be my buddy. My sidekick. My partner in crime. I will always be here for you, no matter how many other people need my attention. I know we’ll both have some adjusting to do over the next few weeks and months. And that’s a little scary. But I also know that although it may not feel like it right away (or maybe it will!), I am certain Daddy and I are giving you one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive.

I hope that you and your brother grow up side by side, hand in hand. I hope that you teach him everything you know… because that is a lot. You are so wise beyond your years. You are inquisitive and hilarious and thoughtful. Honest with your emotions. Outspoken. Opinionated. I hope you can be there for him when no one else is, and I hope he does the same for you. Sibling love is such a special thing; it’s a bond that can’t be broken.

There may be times that he knows you even better than you know yourself; trust him then. There may be times when you wish he wasn’t around as much as he is or that he would just leave you alone; try to understand that these times will pass and you will want him by your side again soon. There may be times when you think you know better than him because you are older; open your mind to the possibility that he can teach you some things too. Love him unconditionally, no matter how he loves you back. And please cut Daddy and I a little slack as we learn how to do these things too.

I love you so much and I know that you are going to make the best big brother. And no matter what, you’ll ALWAYS be my first.
Mommy